thus making me awesome and them whores
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
