The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
