was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
