Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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