that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
