What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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