Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
