Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
