Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We're using joints as your birthday candles
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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