Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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