So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
