Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
