I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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