I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
