some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
