And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
