well I can't set my house on fire every night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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