Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
