You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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