I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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