I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
