it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
