Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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