So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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