my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
