Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
