someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize