It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
