to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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