I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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