on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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