we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
where am i from again
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
