I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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