Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
