Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
accomplished twins. life is a go
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
