The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
