He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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