I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
