So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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