also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
