Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
