I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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