apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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