have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
