Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
