I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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