yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
