My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pants are for mortals
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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