doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
