After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
