I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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