She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
