I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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