i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have post one night stand depression
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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