I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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