I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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