I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
