I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
