I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
