Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
