Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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