I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
