I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
