I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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