I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
