I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
