why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
