I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
