its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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