Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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