the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
