Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
