I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Shame is for Republicans.
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