i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
only you would photoshop your dick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
