you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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