okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
