the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
