I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
