Screwed.edu
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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